This is the life

Jessie's in the room asleep right now and it's giving me serious writer's block. I can't blog without her anymore because so many things happen every day and it all runs together in my head. Jessie's the only one who can keep it straight.

Whew, she just showed up and we've managed to write down a list of everything that has happened. I'm tempted to just publish the list. Anywho, here are a few things that happened that I failed to mention in my last post:

First, when we were hanging out with the guys in Trastevere, Jessie and I walked away for a moment to buy new beers. When we were crossing the street, this Italian guy stopped us. "Excuse me. I am a very very straight man and I want you to know I think you are very attractive. So I want to know. Would you sleep with me right now?" My response? "Not right now..." "OHHHH, so MAYBE LATER!!!!! Okay, thank you!!!" And he leaves. Uhhhhh, okaaaaaaaayyyyyyy...

Also, there is a phenomenon in Trastevere where street performer guys yell GUARDA right before they perform a trick. Jessie and I saw one while we were waiting for dinner at Dar Poeta. Not only do they perform tricks, but their tricks have very sexual undertones. Jessie and I obviously support this.

Now, onto the chronology. After blogging last, Jessie and I went into the center to explore some monuments and eat some of the food that I've come to know and love. I took her to Largo Argentina to show her the baby cat sanctuary. We both chose one cat each to represent who we are and took pictures of them. If I were to show you the pictures, you would have no difficulty deciding who belonged to which cat.

We then walked to my study center which was closed, but I was able to show Jessie the piazza. Then I took her to the enoteca by my center and we drank cappuccini. Then onward to my favorite gelateria in the center. We walked to piazza navona and decided to grab dinner. We wound up at this random restaurant slightly off the piazza and immediately befriended the waiter. His name was California. He has a real name and a) I don't remember it and b) I don't want to. We had pasta carbonara and it was alright. Also, we drank wine because that's how we do.

After piazza navona, we started wandering toward the trevi fountain. We passed through this free limoncello tasting shop. I wanted Jessie to try it to see if she hates it as much as I do. She doesn't. No one does really, I'm still not sure why I have such a violent reaction to this vile liquid. But we met this guy from cuba who was doing the tasting and he asked us to meet him back at the shop at around midnight and he was going to take us to a concert. That was about the fifth date that we've stood up in Rome. I'm not sorry about it.

On the way to the Trevi, we saw a lady selling bracelets on the street. She was weaving together words and then tying the bracelets on the customer. I had an epiphany, I was going to get a bracelet that said Jessica and Jessie was going to get one that said Patty. Jessie looked at me like I was retarded and said we should get two bracelets that say GUARDA. Ummm, that's what I meant.

So we ended up having to chase this lady around Rome while she made our bracelets because she was running from the polizie. A+ for authenticity. But we have our bracelets now and y'all better guarda.

Then we found ourselves at la fontana di trevi. We took pictures and basically stood there looking particularly attractive. We ended up befriending a guy we had asked to take a picture of us. His name was Paolo. He was the least creepy Paolo we've met in Rome. Yes, we meet that many people.

After trevi, Jessie and I walked to Trastevere because she wanted to see the lungotevere (a series of tents set up along the river that are basically a bunch of carnival games and bars/restaurants). We wandered around for a bit and I'm sure drank some. I honestly don't remember but I think, statistically speaking, we were drinking. Then we started heading over to La Maison which was a club right next to Castel St'Angelo. We had asked California where it was located and he had implied that he was going to show up there too. Not worried about it.

On the way to La Maison, Robbie and the guys randomly drove by in a limo and we said hello. What are the odds that this would happen? To other people, maybe 10%. Jessie and me? 96%.

We finally got to La Maison and walked right in. We were not dressed for a club at all and yet we waltzed right through all of their bouncers. Idk why but for some reason Jessie and I are treated like celebrities in Rome. Is it any wonder we love it so much?

We sat down for a bit and ended up making friends with some girls. You could say they hit on us. You could say they didn't hit on us. But you can't say they didn't love us, because they did. Then came the boys. First was Paoletto Gay. We called him this for so many reasons. He spoke English pretty well. I mean, he still sounded Italian but when we complimented his accent, he was all "Oh I know". Ew Paoletto, grab some modesty while your ego's up there. Paoletto's friend Massimilliano was also hanging out with us. Jessie kept calling him Massimo but he didn't mind. He was just happy Jessie was talking to him. Also, California and his friend stopped by. He was very upset we weren't fawning over him.

At this point, I feel I should tell you that Jessie and I could not stop anywhere in the club for more than 10 seconds without a group of guys surrounding us and talking at us. I mean, I'm all for external validation but it began to get a bit ridiculous. And every time a new group of guys tried to talk to us one of the previous groups of guys would come over and promptly inform us how jealous they were. I wasn't aware you were allowed to be jealous since we just MET 15 minutes ago. Ugh. They kept asking us how many guys in the club we knew. All of them, Paoletto Gay, all of them.

The worst part is that there were a couple of guys that we recognized from Campo dei Fiori. These guys were particularly attractive and had been too shy to approach us at the time. But we found them at La Maison and were having a nice little conversation when no less than 3 separate guys came by and cockblocked us. Wow. Getting cockblocked: another experience you can't leave Rome without.

So anyway, we put up with the men whenever we didn't want to dance and danced whenever we didn't want to put up with the men. We adopted a finger wagging strategy when we were on the dance floor to keep the men at bay. They still surrounded us like predators but at least they weren't touching us. The guy to girl ratio in Rome is pretty absurd. You'd think it would be good for us, but when we only want to dance with each other it just makes things difficult.

Then the club closed and we sat for a few minutes watching people trip over a torn up patch of rug. Naturally, a couple of guys stopped to watch with us/hit on us. They invited us to go swimming in the Trevi. We were down, more for the swimming, less for the them. So I started walking us toward the fountain and so started the never ending tirade from this guy Derrick about how he has a motorcycle and wishes he could ride it in Rome and blah blah blah. Jessie said it and I'm repeating it because it's the perfect description: this guy was a douche. Douchus maximus. Unnecessary.

Thankfully, we lost the douchers and continued our trek to the trevi. It was about 5-6 in the morning so everything was empty. We passed through a bunch of monuments and there were no people to be seen. It was so cool to see everything in the calm of the early morning. When we finally ended up at Trevi, there were only a handful of people. Jessie and I took pictures but didn't end up being able to swim because there was a bonafide police presence. Eh well, at least my shorts are dry. Then we walked all the way back to our hostel. That's right. We walked all the way from Castel St'Angelo to Termini. Anyone who's been to Rome is shocked right now. Be impressed. Also, we made it back to our hostel just in time for breakfast at 7. Or dinner, as we've taken to calling it.

Then we woke up at around 3:30 and headed over to the Vatican. I showed Jessie the basilica and FINALLY got to climb the cupola. Anyone who read my blog before knows how hard I tried to climb that damn thing and they kept closing it on me. It was totally worth it. Jessie would call it delayed gratification. I would call it anything but.

After the Vatican, we walked to Trastevere for dinner. I got lasagna and Jessie got some seafood pasta, which she had been craving. We also had a bottle of white wine. Robbie wandered by. Of course he was on that same street at the exact same time. Not surprised. Dinner was delicious and afterward we went to the chocolate shot place and I made a date with the chocolate shot guy. Obvi didn't make it to that.

Then we went over to a bar and had a liter of white wine. The waiter sat us in the darkest back corner and brought out the check with the wine. Geez dude, a) you are probably overestimating how quickly we can drink white wine and b) it's cool, we don't like you either. Also, two random guys from La Maison stopped by. "Jessie, Katie, it's so good to see you again. Do you remember us from La Maison?" Um, no? And they left. We're kind of a big deal.

Then we started walking back to our hostel to get ready to go out and we heard the sweetest sound in the world: GUARDAAAAA. Obviously, we ran toward the call and wound up right in front of the restaurant I had been searching for the first night. Now, I love this restaurant. But I can only find it when I'm drunk. And it's also entirely appropriate that guarda called us there. We showed him our bracelets and ran inside for second dinner aka lunch. A liter of white wine and a pizza margherita later, the restaurant was closing.

At this point, we went to our hostel and got ready for the Colisseo party. And by got ready, I mean that we changed into shorts. Sexy. Then we went to the Colisseum. The bus we were on took so long to leave that I actually took a nap while waiting. Just powering up.

When we got to the Colliseum, we heard some music coming from nearby, but not where I remembered the Colliseum party being. So we wandered a bit, couldn't find the party, and ended up following the music.

It was just some random outdoor bar/club near the Colliseum but it was so late that at this point it was pretty dead. So Jessie and I just ordered a couple of flat waters and listened to the music. The waiter took pity on us and brought us some free shots and cheetos. He seemed cool, his name was Marco and he had brought us free shots so I liked him.

As the night progressed, somehow we wound up with Marco sitting at our table along with a french guy named Karim. We were trying to talk to Karim about some lady troubles he was having and Marco was asking me about my troubles. His solution? "Kiss me". Umm, slow down kiddo. Asking someone to kiss you is a pretty surefire way to guarantee that they won't ever kiss you.

After a while, we ended up peacing out to go back to the hostel. We wound up at the bus stop around 3:30, waiting for the n2. This random brazilian guy stops by and starts hitting on Jessie. Except he doesn't speak English so I'm translating for him. In the process of the conversation, he tells me how great Jessie is and how he doesn't really like me. Dude. I'm translating for you. Probably the wrong person to be insulting if you're trying to get at my friend.

So we wound up at home and now, the next day, I am blogging.

Also, I need to write out a text message that we received because it deserves to be memorialized on this blog:

Massimo Enriques: "Where are you? :p you are so sweet babies..i wanna stay with me..see you..smack! :p"

And that's all I have to say about that.


Opus #6 said…
I am LMAO through this whole post. I lost count of the guys. Amazing. Even for a couple of young beauties like yourselves. Great memories....

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